Much needed update

Wow, I can't believe that it's been a little over 7 months since I have last been on here and wrote something. It's just been so crazy and hectic around the house that I feel like I am going totally bonkers. Cheyanne is on the go all the time and I have been so busy with trying to get things organized around the hotel room and make more room for all of us in there.

Matthew and Jackson have started school back in the public school and so far have been enjoying it and they are both doing very good. I was kind of worried about putting Matt back in the public school because of all the things that happened in the past at his old school, but since they are starting at a new school, I was hoping that things would be different and so far things are, but in a good way. He isn't being bullied in school, he is making a lot of new friends who don't turn on him, he is doing really good in school and if someone is bugging/picking on him, he goes straight to an adult instead of taking matter into his own hands. Jackson is also doing very well in school as well. We are going to set him up with a reading tutor, he is a little behind on his reading, but we believe we know why, but it's not a for sure thing as of yet. But other then the reading, he is doing really well in school and is excelling in all other areas. Matthew is trying out for track this year and Jackson is going for Digital Photography, which I think is just totally great!!

Cheyanne has been walking all over the place lately. I just can't believe how big she is getting. She is going to be a year old on the 17th of this month. It doesn't feel like I had her almost 1 year ago!!! She is talking a little bit more now. She says mama, dada, baba, ow, Mah (Matt), and yeah. She waves goodbye, hi and night night. When she waves night night, it's to herself and in the mirror :) she is just an all around cutie! I can't believe that I finally have a little girl.

Neil and I have been doing pretty good. We did hit a big bump in our relationship to where we almost filed for divorce. Things were going really rough with Matthew and Neil has been having a hard time with it and it got to the point with him that he figured that the best thing for him to do was file for divorce. Thankfully I was able to get through to him and told him that this wasn't something that I wanted and that we could get through this. We have already been through so much as it is that we would hate to have it end. Since then things have been going better between us. On the 12th of this month we will be together as a couple for 7 years!! I can't believe that we have been together for 7 years. I love him more now then I did 7 years ago!! I still can't believe that I have such a great and amazing husband in my life and my children's lives as well.

An Amazing Husband

 

What can I say, I really have been blessed with such an amazing husband and wonderful father to my children. We have been through so much in the 6 1/2 years that we have been together and yet we are still going so strong. People didn't think that we would make it through and that we more than likely wouldn't be together still, but here we are, almost married for 6 years and still going stronger than ever! He took on 2 children that were not his and has cared for them as if they were his own biological children. Not a lot of guys these days would do something like that. If they see that you have children, they don't want to deal with all the baby daddy drama that could come along with it. He always finds way to surprise me with things, even if it's just something that is small, like a card. He shows me affection like no other and makes me know every night and every time we get off the phone that he loves me. Thank you Neil for being such an amazing husband and a wonderful father to our children. We couldn't have asked for a better man in our life.

I lovve you Neil, forever and always!!

Homeschooling and more 3/13/13

3/13/13 @ 2:30pm

Yesterday the boys and I did our schoolwork & we had a lot of fun. Matthew and I did Social Studies & he got to learn about the Constitution. We had a lot of fun yesterday. Both f the boys are doing really good in school and I have noticed they are learning a lot better at home than they were in school. They are able to take their time on the lesson and have someone explain it to them to where they can understand it. The other thing that the boys like is the fact we can take our own field trips to places like OMSI, the zoo, Kids Club, etc and they love that. Back when I was in school we went on field trips at least 4 or 5 field trips a year. Since the kids started public school they only went on 1 field trip & that was to the pumpkin patch, not even a place that is educational. Back when Neil and I were in school we would go to the zoo, OMSI, The Children's Museum, The Water Resource Center, places like that, plus we would go to the pumpkin patch as well. They love the fact that we can go on our own field trips and they also count towards their PE as well. I know a lot of people think that kids who are homeschooled don't have social interaction, but that's not true at all. We have outings that they do with K12 and meet kids in the area that homeschool as well. 

So as some people know, my youngest son, Aidan, is developmentally delayed. He will be 6 years old on November 28th, but he is mentally the age of a 2-3 year old. He was born at 36 weeks, now I know that some babies born a lot earlier and don't have problems, but each kid is different. Aidan now goes to physical therapy and will start speech therapy and occupational therapy. There is no guarantee that he will ever grow out of it, he may be like this for the rest of his life. Everyday is a struggle & a new challenge, but everyday also brings new goals & achievements. Neil and I also think that he has a form of Autism, but we have to get him tested for it first, but he does have signs of having Autism. He has been doing so good at physical therapy & is slowly catching up to where he needs to be age wise, but its going to take time for sure, but I know if we keep working hard we can do it and make it through all of this and get him up to where he needs to be. I am applying for disability for him, which he will for sure get.

I have been trying to clean the hotel room and get things ready to go be put into our storage unit, but it's been hard cause I also have no where to put anything at the moment. Literally everything that we own is in this hotel room, so we had to go and get a 5x5 storage unit because we basically live paycheck to paycheck. We lost everything and loosing everything is not easy on a person. We have one 5 drawer dresser that has Neil, Cheyanne, Matthew, Jackson & Aidan's clothes in it, all of my clothes are in a tub. Living out of a hotel is no where near easy and yes it sucks, but it's the only place that we can live right now since no one will take us in.
  

Physical Therapy

12:50pm

Well right now I am at my physical therapy appt, waiting for it to start. Kind of nervous and hoping that this works cause I really don't want to have yet another surgery, but because this injury is from when I was like 15-16 years old (16 years ago) they may have to do the surgery. But it's better to try this first to see if it does help.

6:05pm 

Well after seeing my physical therapist earlier today, just the smallest and easiest exercises make my shoulder hurt, which is not a good thing at all, so she is afraid that I am going to need to have surgery on my shoulder as well.  

Fresh start and more

5:40pm 3/11/13

Right now I am at Matthew's counseling appt, so I figured I would work on a new entry for everyone ^-^ I am just a writing machine today lol

So earlier today I had a meeting with the boys' teachers and their lead teacher to basically say that I am going to follow certain rules and things so I can enroll them in school in the fall. So today starts a fresh new start on everything and that is a great feeling. Not that the kids were not doing school work, but the internet is so horrible that I can't get on there every day to log in their work. But ti's good to know that the school and teachers are there to help us all out. It's like I told the teachers, I have to do everything I can to keep them homeschooled at this point. The boys do NOT want to go back to public school, especially Matthew, after everything they went through. Matthew was being bullied from Kindergarten to 3rd grade, he finally had enough (he would tell the teachers and other staff, but they would say if they didn't see it, they can't do anything about it), so he started to stand up for himself and he ended up getting in trouble (even though the teachers and staff never saw him hit the person) and they labeled him as the bully instead. Matthew was starting to get suicidal thoughts because of it. I know some people don't agree with my choice of homeschool because they need social interaction, but I also can't put my child through that again.

With Jackson, he needs more one on one to be able to understand things, he also needs to be able to get up and move around (other than reccess) due to his ADHD. The teachers had him labeled as a trouble maker cause he was always trying to get up, move around and talk to other kids when he should have been doing schoolwork, they also thought that he was lazy because he was not understanding somethings and they refused to word it another way for him to understand. Now yes I know not all schools are the same way, but I also don't want to take the risk of it happening again and I want them to get a good education. My kids mean everything to me and I will make sure they are safe and getting what they need.

 I am in the lobby of Matthew's counseling office (which is also my old work as well) waiting for him to be done and there is this couple out here with their son, who is about a year old or so, and they are letting him just totally run wild and tear things up. It's parents like that, that irritated me to no end. They have no respect for anyone or anything and so in the end they are teaching their child the samething. I understand that the child is young, but you have to do your part as the parent and discipline them as well (and I don't mean spanking, but at least get off your butt, go and get them and tell them that's not right). My children knew when I say no in a certain tone they had better not do it again and that's still how it is to this day. I, by all means, am not saying that they are bad parents, but they are what I call "lazy" parents. They have another baby who is about 5 months old or so and the baby leaked through her clothes, so the mom changed her (and she has a change of clothes for the baby, as she told her boyfriend that she did) but brought the baby out in only a diaper. When her boyfriend asked her why the baby was naked, she said because she didn't feel like dressing her, like really, it's 46 degrees outside and very cold. When we left, she still hadn't dressed the baby, had the baby sitting in the car seat, and just put a light blanket over the baby. I was so upset that she did that with the baby.

Late night thoughts and letting things out

So I am outside right now writing in my notebook (everything gets transferred to my blog from there cause there will be things on my mind while I am waiting for at an appt that I want to talk about so I just write it down in my notebook) cause I can't seem to sleep tonight, yet again. It's like almost 3am and I have all these thoughts going through my head.

I hate that we are living in a hotel and have been for almost 2 years now, all because a rental agency has been trying to screw us over and because our credit is so messed up right now. I brought my daughter into this world as we are living in a hotel and I feel like I have failed all of my children. I know that this is better than living in a shelter or out on the streets BUT they deserve so much more and a parent that can actually provide for them better than we can. When I found out that I was pregnant with Cheyanne I honestly thought about putting her up for adoption and having an open adoption, but I also knew that I couldn't do it. She is our miricle baby, but I also wanted a better life for her, just like I want a better life for my boys. But then I sit here and think that if I did do that how do I know that she really is being taken care of. A lot of people tell me that my kids are well taken care of, they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their back, food in their stomachs and 2 parents that love them and would do anything for them, but they deserve so much more. They deserve to have their own rooms and room to play around. Being here they don't have that and it literally kills me inside that I can't give them that. On top of that we have lost EVERYTHING that we own, their beds, toys (except the ones that we have in the hotel), clothes (except the ones that we have in the hotel), everything. When we do get a place (whenever that is) we have to buy everything all over again (couch, entertainment center, dressers, beds, bedding, ALL of it). People think that we aren't trying, that we should be able to save money, but it's hard to save money living paycheck to paycheck, pay over $1,000 a month to live in a hotel, plus other bills. I have gone into a depression because of all of this.

There are days when I think that my kids hate me because they think that I am failing them as a mom, I know that it's not true, but it is a thought that goes through my head at times.

I know that Neil feels like he is failing his family as well. Him and I have talked about this quite a lot after the kids go to bed. We will actually lay in bed and just hold each other and try to reassure each other that everything will be okay and we can make it through this. Life hasn't been that easy for us lately, but of course life isn't always easy for everyone.

 

On another note, I took Cheyanne to the dr's on Saturday and found out that she has an upper respiratory infection AND pink eye!! We have to put ointment in her eyes 4 times a day for 7 days. I feel so bad for her. Things from the very start (since her birth) have been rough. After I had her I got my tubes tied and got an infection called nacrotizing faciitis, I went into the ER on Christmas morning and ended up having emergency surgery because it was so bad that I almost lost my life (literally only a few more days and it would have been toxic and the only thing that they could have done was put me on pain meds, admitted me into the hospital and waited for me to pass away). For the first 2 weeks of her life I was in the hospital and in pain because of this. I had her on December 17th, I left the hospital on December 20th and went back in 5 days later on Christmas Day, and left the hospital for the last time on December 31st. At 2 weeks old she ended up getting thrush and that took a bit longer to clear up than normal. Now she has this. 

Matthew, Jackson and I have decided to continue on with homeschool next year as well. Matthew doesn't want to risk getting bullied in school again, even if he does start going to a new school and I can't blame him. It was really rough on him. The staff didn't do anything to help him out and they labeled him as the bully. With Jackson, he has such a hard time focusing on things and in a classroom of 25 students to 1 teacher, he wasn't getting the one on one time that he needed. At least with being homeschooled he is able to get that and I am able to help him understand things a lot better than the teachers can. Homeschooling kids in the hotel is not all that easy, heck I wish that we could get a room at this hotel called Extended Stay America, cause they have more stable internet, but on top of that, their rooms look more like a studio apartment. I would have an actual table and chairs for all the kids to sit down and do their school work at and there would be a lot more room in there for all of our stuff.

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life as a SAHM of 4 kids. Being a SAHM of 4 kids is not the easiest thing, some people are just like "Oh please, I know people who stay home with more kids than that and do fine" and I understand that, but being a SAHM of 4 is good enough for me for sure.

Let me tell you about myself and my family. I am 31 years old, I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years and we have been together for almost 6 1/2 years (yes that's right, we got married after being together for 6 months). I wouldn't change getting married so quickly for anything, we have been married for so long now and things are going great. Together we have 3 amazing boys and a precious lil girl. Matthew is 10 years old (9/14), Jackson is 7 years old (10/12), Aidan is 5 years old (11/28) and Cheyanne is 2 months old (12/17). Matthew and Jackson are mine from a previous relationship, but Neil has taken on the fatherly role to them, which is a great thing. Aidan and Cheyanne are mine and Neil's together. We never say that he has 2 step children, he always refers to all the kids as his own children. I homeschool Matthew and Jackson. It has been challenging for sure and we have hit some bumps in the road, but it hasn't been easy with living in a hotel room either.  But we are making it and we are doing what we have to do to get things up to par and back on track again as well. Aidan is supposed to start school next year, but with him being developmentally delayed we don't see that happening at this time.